A brutally honest student recommendation

Desi Madonna was my student for seven months.  She came to class with her body but not her mind.  She sat in the fourth row, and ably texted throughout the hour.  She maintained an average to morose expression.  She possessed average to untidy handwriting.  She had average to medium length hair.  She was mostly quiet, but sometimes she grinned knowingly.  She liked shiny objects, and stuff in general, which I think is better than liking dull objects and intangibles.  She neatly groomed her eyebrows, and took good skin care.  She did her own work, and cheated only occasionally, and strictly when I stepped away from the classroom.  She once spoke up in class, but her answer was wrong.  She once asked a question in class which was irrelevant, but I told her there is no such thing as a stupid question.  She engaged in extracurricular activities, and once stepped on a kitten accidentally in the yard, but made sure a peon picked up the remains.  She smoked sheesha and generally refrained from hard drugs, and to my knowledge tried cocaine only once.  She never came to class drunk, and was hung over during class only once.  

She possessed the usual amount of religious bigotry, and proclaimed that she thought Ahmedis are kafirs, and I appreciated her honesty and simple mindedness.  She also had the regular level of being unaware and unconcerned with social issues and said poor people were poor because they didn't work hard enough.  I told her that was a unique piece of analysis.  She prayed five times a day at the beginning of the semester which I thought was an impressive schedule.  Then she broke up with the maulvi.  She tried to flirt with me once, and then backed off right away when I told her it only worked with some teachers.  She apologized and then told me she thought I would be flattered since I am so very old.  Her writing skills are “vry gud”, but limited to texting vernacular. She had an average to good memory which I think is important for college students, and only went to the wrong class room twice and came out within 40 minutes when it struck her the teacher was teaching Newton's laws, not Law.

I recommend her in the spirit of luke warmness.  I really do want the best for her.  I am sure she will do excellently at the Institute of Sana Safinaz.  Alternatively, I recommend her to the yellow brick road so she may be reunited with her mind.